How to tell if a movie is going to suck



Case in point:

War movies are often the exception to this rule (Apocalypse Now or Black Hawk Down, for instance).

Broken Arrow - 9 helicopters (1 exploding)

Shooter - 8 Helicopters

Ultraviolet - 4 helicopters

Die Hard With a Vengeance - 1 Helicopter (exploding)

Batman Forever - 1 Helicopter (explodes twice)

Bad Boys II - 3 Helicopters

Dante's Peak - 3 Helicopters

Fantastic Four - Rise of the Silver Surfer - 2 helicopters (one is about to explode)



Movies that are likely to suck

(based on the amount of helicopters in them)


Wolverine - 3 Helicopters (1 exploding)

Terminator Salvation - 3 Helicopters (1 exploding)

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Comments

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  • Dan writes on 3/4/09
    Don't forget that new WWE movie, 12 Rounds - it has an exploding helicopter in it as well!
  • foobar writes on 3/4/09
    (exploding helicopter) Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
  • 23er writes on 3/4/09
    i think shooter didnt suck, so your whole point is unproven and out of range!
  • Matthew Inman writes on 3/4/09
    Shooter sucked harder than a vacuum sucks hairballs, my friend
  • Jeremys writes on 4/4/09
    Johnny Depp is in Wolverine. I'd say he doesn't get involved in too many bad roles.
  • Jason Godsey writes on 4/4/09
    I loved Shooter! I love helicopters and even better when they explode.
  • saze writes on 4/4/09
    Shooter DID NOT suck! And Silver Surfer wz ok too.
  • Matthew Inman writes on 4/4/09
    Shooter sucked harder than a prostitute sucks wieners.
    http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/shooter/
    47% = suckathon mc. suckerson
  • jonah writes on 4/4/09
    Matt
    Shooter had 11 helicopters and an exploding airplane in the trailer, although only 8 CLIPS with helicopters in it...although it did suck.
  • Lukas writes on 4/4/09
    Black Hawk Down.
    Explain that one, Mr. Theory-Maker.
  • Matthew Inman writes on 4/4/09
    I already did, read the blog post, mr. assumption maker.
  • Lukas writes on 4/4/09
    Oh I see, lightly scribbled at the bottom.
    Yes well, it seems that Shooter may have some level of suckage, but 8 helicopters worth (esp. compared to others). Perhaps the exploding airplane partially neutralizes the effect?
  • Matthew Inman writes on 4/4/09
    Possibly. Watching all these trailers, I did notice that exploding airplanes and exploding helicopters seem to both be signs of suckage.
  • Lukas writes on 4/4/09
    Want to sell me a SNES?
  • Matthew Inman writes on 4/4/09
    Don't be a hooker
  • Lukas Jr. writes on 4/4/09
    You should sell my dad a SNES!
  • Matthew Inman writes on 4/4/09
    Tell your dad to not be a hooker
  • Chris writes on 4/4/09
    Do you not have a penis? These are all "Action" movies. Go watch Chocolat.
  • Chris writes on 4/4/09
    Furthermore, sell Lukas a SNES.
  • BOB writes on 4/4/09
    HAH johnny depp is not in wolverine, R tard
  • poopaloop writes on 4/4/09
    you sound like a bitch. helicopters kick ass and so do explosions.
  • dumb writes on 4/4/09
    you sound like an idiot, all these movies sucked majorly...and just because a movie has explosions and a plot you could figure out from the preview alone doesn't make it manly, it makes it a bad movie r tard
  • steven writes on 4/4/09
    Sadly your theory is disproven by Black Hawk Down which had at least a hundred helicopters in it, some exploding, and was a great film.
  • Pat writes on 4/4/09
    I've got some figures that will completely ruin your findings.
    Black Hawk Down, 10+ helicopters, two crashing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUJ6cxWdZwA
    Platoon 3 Helicopters http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69x1IOKuZ2s&feature=related
    Apocalypse Now 20+ helicopters
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tt0xxAMTp8M&feature=related
  • steven writes on 4/4/09
    ...sorry, I rescind my earlier comment. totally missed the small exception type
  • Quiksmith writes on 4/4/09
    Shooter, Bad Boys II, and Die Hard 4 were great films....Wolverine Leaked on tuesday and was awesome so screw u....and Terminator looks bad ass...One Question, DO YOU HAVE A PENIS???? THese are great action films, Go watch flippin Hollywood Chiuaua if freakn pansy....Making a clever graph doesnt prove your point...it just makes u look ignorant...
  • Spoonman writes on 4/4/09
    What? Who said Wolverine was awesome? I'm surprised you managed to put down the brown paper bag you have been huffing paint from long enough to type such a retarded statement. Wolverine was straight garbage. Might I remind you of Gambit in that movie?
    It couldn't have been gayer if it took place inside of a male strip club. That X-Men franchise is dead.
    Shooter sucked. Die Hard 4? Sucked. Bad Boys 2? That was OK.
  • Ethan writes on 4/4/09
    Broken Arrow w/ Travolta, like 6 helo's blow up.
  • griffen writes on 5/4/09
    Govvment took my baby!!1
  • spoons writes on 5/4/09
    shooter was good and die hard with a vengeance was the shit plus who doesnt want to see an exploding helicopter. this guy also has a page called how to tell if a movie is going to be awesome that is based on the number of cross dressers in the preview
  • Kenny writes on 5/4/09
    Does this mean that all of the veggie tales movies don't suck?
  • cat writes on 5/4/09
    be entertained
  • Matt writes on 5/4/09
    Watched the Broken Arrow trailer, nine helicopters, one is exploding
  • Kuzyk writes on 5/4/09
    Actually Apocalypse Now sucked anyways, it was good at first, then got ridiculously boring at the end, I don't care what Rotten Tomatoes says or anyone else for that matter, it sucks.
  • Adam writes on 5/4/09
    Shooter didn't suck, nor did Die Hard w/ avengence. I'll give you the rest of 'em, but those two did not.
    The worst movie of all time, Children of Men, did not have any helicopters, if I recall...
  • Matthew Inman writes on 5/4/09
    Thanks for mentioning broken arrow, I added it to the list.
  • Bob Lee Swagger writes on 6/4/09
    My movie was awesome, or at least it was to anyone who has testicles, which you clearly do not have.
    Kindly go back to watching Elizabeth or Shakespeare in Love
  • supdaw writes on 6/4/09
    We Were Soldiers. Many helicopters, great film. Check that one out.
  • Ryan writes on 6/4/09
    Children of Men was awesome. It did have some explosions, even if they weren't helicopters.
  • Adam writes on 6/4/09
    Explain Blackhawk Down then plz?
  • stinky writes on 6/4/09
    Simple intelligence test, if you liked the Fantastic 4 movie or Shooter, your IQ is in the 60-70 range.
  • Johnny writes on 6/4/09
    Yeah, this is dumb. You're cherry picking movies to make your point and covering your gaping logic holes with a half-assed caveat.
    The real problem here as it relates to helicopter ratio is that the people editing these trailers are bad at their jobs and think that helicopters = excitement. Seriously, I wouldn't consider any of these movies high art but the trailers you've chosen are uniformly atrocious.
    It might be more accurate to say that you can gauge how bad a movie is going to be by how many song changes occur within the space of one trailer, but again you'd probably just end up picking on a single genre as you've done here with your little helicopter gag.
  • Maeve writes on 6/4/09
    Quiksmith, poor spelling and lack of punctuation makes you look not only ignorant, but also stupid. Congrats.
  • Derek writes on 6/4/09
    Hmmmmmm Johnny Depp in Wolverine? Granted I can only take the internet for what it's worth just like everyone else. But i don't see his name in the casting list for the film in question.
  • hacker writes on 6/4/09
    Whats has helicopters to do with a bad movie!!?
    Crazy irrational idea..
    Shooter was good.. go and watch pamela and hilton, if dont like to appreciate good movie.
  • Paul writes on 6/4/09
    Sooo, how does 6th Day rate, it's chock full O' Helicopters?
  • Ben writes on 6/4/09
    Children of men was great.
  • honour chick writes on 6/4/09
    wow... very precise... they all really suck ass ;(
  • CBS writes on 6/4/09
    Johnny Depp is most definately not in Wolverine. Don't believe me go check imdb.
  • TI TI writes on 6/4/09
    Usually if the movie is discussed on Digg.com more than once, the movie sucks. What is happening is that the power users on Digg work as a group...and in my opinion some of them have been bought. When the power users determine to gget the movie to the front page and keep it there they seem to work as a team to ALL other users detriment.
    I have seen this happen at least three times in the last few months....and all the movies sucked.
  • ignostic writes on 6/4/09
    Bad Boys II has 4 helicopters, not 3. (Only one I watched)
  • greg writes on 6/4/09
    you suck, your website sucks, and Shooter was cooler than the time I ate you mother out.
  • silicontrip writes on 6/4/09
    Didn't Matrix have a helicopter in it? It crashes into a building and explodes. And I remember in the trailer Trinity swinging away from said exploding helicopter.
    I don't think I'd call Matrix suck worthy.
  • this website sucks writes on 6/4/09
    cliffhanger with Stallone has a lot of roflcopters in the movie. I can't find the trailer but I don't care.
    The Guardian with Costner and Kutcher has helicopters too.
    Transformers have exploding helicopters and the movie rock!
    Your theory sucks because it contains pictures of exploding helicopters.
  • Smitty Werbenmanjenson writes on 7/4/09
    You know, technically, Terminator: Salvation is kind of a war movie and the helicopters and hovercrafts are used in a war-type roll as drop-ships and support vehicles. So the way I see it an exception to the rule.
  • Evan writes on 7/4/09
    You think Die Hard 3 sucked? You're a jackass, that was the greatest action movie ever....
  • JOHN writes on 7/4/09
    Shooter rocked
  • llf writes on 7/4/09
    i just watched the Ultraviolet trailer, and i only see one helicopter, not 4, wtHell?
  • Rockwell writes on 7/4/09
    Terminator 2 "certified classic" 5 copters, 1 exploding! Suck my ASS...ur theory has holes
  • Eirikur writes on 7/4/09
    Ha ha, I actually liked every single one of those movies. Although I haven't seen Dante's Peak or Shooter. But I have low standards when it comes to movies, or maybe I'm just good at avoiding movies I wouldn't like. Probably a bit of both.
  • Chunky Lover 69 writes on 7/4/09
    This theory is flawed. One word: AIRWOLF. Actually, I'm not sure if that is one word or two... Regardless, while not a movie, Airwolf proves that exploding helicopters = good. Plus the theme song is pretty sweet too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXehSng0NV4 .
    Question: what animal would a wolf have to make love to in order to create an 'Airwolf'?
  • Pasquale writes on 7/4/09
    Perhaps you should give credit to Dave Barry, who actually came up with the helicopter theory of movie badness and published it in his book Dave Barry Turns 50. I bet you already knew that.
  • Matthew Inman writes on 7/4/09
    I had not heard that, but I'll be sure to send dave barry a check in the mail for the giant buckets of money I made from making that graph.
  • Seriously writes on 7/4/09
    This comment section is like watching a gang of 10 16 year olds trying to show up each other while hopped up on Mountain Dew. I really can't find one articulate point made after sifting through this alphabetic cesspool.
    And to say that Batman Forever is better than Shooter because it had less helicopters is a farce ... Batman Forever should be ranked at the bottom of those movies made in the last 30 years.
  • Smitty Werbenmanjenson writes on 7/4/09
    Well, I do love me some Mountain Dew.
  • Matthew Inman writes on 7/4/09
    The comments on this post suck harder than a black hole sucks planets
  • Television Spy writes on 7/4/09
    Transformers had a few helicopters exploding I believe.
  • Kalle Grabowski writes on 7/4/09
    Who cares if Johnny Depp´s in Wolverine? He´s one of the most overrated actors ever.
  • Flo writes on 8/4/09
    Sorry you guys, but Johnny Depp is NOT in Wolverine. Where did you guys get your facts? You're worse than Fox News.
    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000136/
  • Elio writes on 8/4/09
    Jajajaajajaja!!!, you rule rules!!!
    Add and counting this please:
    Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen Official HD Movie Trailer #2 NEW!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmgbbGJW6ZE
    Transformers - Official Trailer:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAxgCfWCliE
  • How many helicopters did Speed Racer have?
  • Mike writes on 11/4/09
    Matrix also bucks the trend
  • PePe writes on 15/4/09
    Every monday in a bar in Montreal we watch a REALLY BAD movie and we throw stuff on the screen. And here's an example ov what it looks like when there's en halicopter:
  • PePe writes on 15/4/09
    oups forgot the URL:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sgO8xGjAWc
  • Charles writes on 16/4/09
    I ain't gonna read all the comments so please forgive if someones already pointed out the apparent inverse relationship between the amount of advertising a new release gets and how sucky it is. Which is to say if a movie is really bad they know they have to advertise the hell out of it cause word of mouth ain't gonna work. But if it is genuinely good then the chances are it is going to do fine regardless so there's no need to advertise it so much (if at all).
    Of course there's also some kind of tipping point where a movie is so bad that the -ve word of mouth will be too strong for any amount of advertising to overcome, in which case it goes straight to DVD.
  • nate writes on 21/4/09
    You could argue that Terminator: Salvation could be an exception because it is about war between machines and humans
  • Tim writes on 24/4/09
    Gonna agree with this general rule and offer an exception in addition to the war movies stated: Watchmen was great imo and had several helicopters in the trailer (Vietnam segment). Also...people who comment before reading the article suck.
  • Linds writes on 24/4/09
    Damn you dont know anything about movies... many of this movies are very good and many people do agree with me :) so.. you suck ! ;D
  • uRdumb writes on 26/4/09
    This
    Is
    Dumb
    Why the fuck did i stumble this?!?!?!
  • Jinxy writes on 27/4/09
    I don't know what having a penis has to do with any of this! I don't have a penis and I like helicopters, exploding helicopters, exploding anything. Even if the plot sucks, blowing shit up is great. I can't wait till they start blowing up shit in pornos. Bet you won't complain about the shitty plot then.
  • Steph writes on 5/5/09
    For all the people making the stupid "do you have a penis" comments I have one question. Does having a penis mean that you are incapable of having a brain? Are you saying the two can not co-exist peacefully?
    Ya duh ... explosions ... duh ... me love explosions ... uh duh ... big explosions ... me hate plot ... ugggh ...
  • Harley Quinn writes on 8/5/09
    @Spoonman
    Dude, have you ever actually read a comic book? Because, seriously, this movie is positively tame in comparison. Camp *started* in comic books.
    Also, considering you're talking about X-Men, of all things, I'd like to point out that this series is famous for its social diversity and acceptance. It's had a host of openly gay and bisexual characters, including Northstar, 'one of the first openly gay superheroes in American comic books.'
    Basically, you're talking out of your ass, and the fact that you appear to have judged the movie solely on the sexual innuendos *you* saw is just despicable.
  • Jay writes on 9/5/09
    Ultraviolet? Are you retarded?
  • imagol4 writes on 19/5/09
    Are you kidding? You didn't actually watch Apocalypse Now or Black Hawk Down, did you? I saw Apocalypse Now in its' original release to theaters. It SUCKED big time! Although not the absolute worst movie I've ever seen, it was a very close second to Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (rated as the worst movie of all time, an "honor" it earned). Black Hawk Down was actually better than A.N., but not by much.
  • grand canyon helicopter tours writes on 22/5/09
    A tour of the Grand Canyon at dusk is often touted as one of the most romantic trips available throughout the entire state of Arizona.
  • JIEL writes on 7/6/09
    In my opinion, i cannot tell if a movie is going to something like what your saying. I think it depends on the person watching it. By the way, i love war movies.
  • Curtis Ludlow writes on 10/6/09
    Your blog is hilarious.
  • Ralph Jones writes on 14/6/09
    I am still in fits of laughter after reading your post, great blog you have got here.
  • Mark Johnson writes on 19/6/09
    I dont know why everyone is hating on shooter. That movie was really good.
  • Ryoma writes on 21/6/09
    WTF just rewatched Die Hard (1988) and then the trailer, its got three helicopters 1 Explosing in the trailer and the movie is as awesome as it gets.
  • EvilGod writes on 9/7/09
    How is Black Hawk Down an exception? When I saw the graph my first thought was "Yay! someone else who is aware of what a spectacular example of poor film-making Black Hawk Down is".
  • waterproof digital writes on 22/7/09
    Of course there's also some kind of tipping point where a movie is so bad that the -ve word of mouth will be too strong for any amount of advertising to overcome, in which case it goes straight to DVD.
  • jordin writes on 22/7/09
    i didnt get that =/
  • jordyn writes on 22/7/09
    i REALLY didnt get that =/
  • arthurfang writes on 25/7/09
    http://blo9s.com/arthurfan50
  • Ponyboy writes on 2/8/09
    People are taking this way too seriously. The man came up with a witty and funny graph and people are taking it as personal attacks. nice work matt. keep it up
  • Matthew Inman writes on 2/8/09
    PonyBoy - yeah, they don't seem to get the joke. They think it's an actual formula, like I tested this with beakers and shit.
    The comments on this post have been like babysitting youtube comments.
  • SenoraObscura writes on 4/8/09
    District 9 has 23. I think that's a new record!
  • alexandra gregson writes on 13/8/09
    more than the hysterical smartassness of this blog, s the fact that so many people are shooting other people down :) Matthew, can you make a graph on smartass blogs being cooler due to the amount of whinge asses that reply?
    :D
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  • Furniture Stores writes on 22/11/09
    If they can't even make a few second trailer that's interesting... How can they make anything that doesn't suck?
  • Chatelle writes on 27/11/09
    Dante's peak is an amazing film! just thought i would say
  • Jan writes on 5/12/09
    Sahara - fun film - one helicopter (appears three times in trailer).
  • James writes on 20/12/09
    Dude you got this Idea from Dave Barry. I know because I stole his idea and have been rating movies as 1 out of 5 helicopter explosions for the past couple of years. That's okay though.
  • Rachel writes on 21/12/09
    Have you ever seen Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus? If a movie is going to have a jet or an airplane, then it definitely needs to be slapped by a giant octopus tentacle or perhaps chomped in mid-flight by a Megalodon. Just saying.
  • Rachel writes on 21/12/09
    The jet/airplane/helicopter needs to be slapped, I mean. Not the movie. The movie already knows how ridiculous it is.
  • somechickwholovesactionmovies writes on 13/2/10
    (I know I'm coming to this game late, but:)
    Haha, "beakers and shit" !! (It's a nice coincidence that my recaptcha is "united whiners", of which there are many in the previous comments...)
    Just because a movie sucks, that doesn't mean it's not entertaining to watch. (I know that's not YOUR point Mr. Inman, just trying to share a little reason w/the United Whiners.)
    Thanks for sharing your humor, you give me lulz.

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